I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
