I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize