My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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