Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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