I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
