my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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