I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
