If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
