You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
