I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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