I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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