cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
