U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
