I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
