You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
