how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
