It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
