no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
