the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
