Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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