I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
