Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
