She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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