what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
