Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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