...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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