you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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