..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
