Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
