So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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