After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
