I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
