You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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