Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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