Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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