I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
