Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
