Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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