We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Randomize
