party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
how do flat chested girls get laid?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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