I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
