we're blogging at a bar
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
