you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
