They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
