Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
