dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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