If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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