i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
