Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
