I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
