well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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