i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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