i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
