Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
