I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize