walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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