just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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