dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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