I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
