wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I smell stomach acid.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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