I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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