I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
